I have started HTML CODING

Oh my GOD working on getting my benzo prescribed again to see if I get less hungry then the Buspar, I am tempted to take the Buspar or may wait a little while till trying it again. But I have started coding in HTML for my last Game Design class project, and it is SO MUCH FUN. I was watching a tutorial and pausing and working on it back and forth.

But I have learned so much about myself and how I always wanted to be a coder when I was younger like 17 and I had a black friend who I slept with from a School where you get your GED, I was 17 he was 17 or something like that, I asked him to the movies since a fat thick girl turned down my offer, and I knew her and her boyfriend a skinny punk named George I think from high school. And I was definitely not as rich or as certain that people could predict I would have a rich family at this time. But I was middle class with a super hard-working mother who provided for me and my brother.

The stepfather and stepbrother came into the picture at 13 but I think it took them a while till they got married. And also, when I can code in game Design, I will be so happy, however if I work a year at a company, it would be a month of internship I would hope and 11 months of work then maybe one day transfer to Cambridge for Jagex I would pray for that to all deities real and fake in the universe. Or maybe I end up doing music full time and keep my game design degree as proof that I can pursue that whenever.

I may be taking my Adderall instant release tomorrow to help me focus on school stuff, but I am always tempted to take the Buspar, I just hate the withdrawal, I think the Xanax and Kolodopin withdraw is a little safer as long as its small doses and not a high dose. But some people really look down on that medication and I had one friend growing up who took that medication the Xanax in particular I even drove so far to a far away doctor to get it prescribed and got turned down but keep in mind I was not addicted to it, I just got declined by doctors from getting it eventually before rehab doctors I had to go to basic psychiatrists, and one gave me a chance on the Xanax Extended Release 0.5mg which is the lowest dosage I think along with my other medicines. He never gave me Adderall. Which if I had it in high school I wouldn’t have dropped out.

Keep in mind I stopped school altogether in community college for like 5 years wasting my therapist time with meals outside and talking bs till she kept pushing me, to one day get back into it.

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